Sometimes you just wander through an endless desert called life… Heat is intense and everything is far from being pleasent. Your constant sweating drowns you… in the slowest way possible. Drowning at a place where there’s no water. It’s hell on Earth without a parole… and you seem to be sentenced for life. Then, you come across a single red rose in the middle of the desert. It’s out of place but you don’t care… you realize that even the wildest dreams can come true and it has nothing to do with faith. It is rare but possible… like diseases that hit one in a million and you’re the sole winner….or loser. There are many more roses in the desert… oases…where there is water, too. Keep going or else you will be stuck stampeding your own footprints and you’ll sink…
The attraction to physical beauty makes only one side of the three-dimensional medallion in dating: The rim and the edge; the almost nonexistent part. The rest is all about honesty, trust, mutual understanding and having fun in whatever a couple is doing (from having sex to watching the grass grow in shared silence). Those qualities listed above create the chemistry between couples more than anything else.
Nowadays, more and more people seek only their desired physical qualities in their partners… but that is never enough on its own. If that was the case, people would wildly date Picasso paintings or the full moon in a pitch black night, as that’s the real beauty in its purest form.
Becoming friends with a loved-one first is a must although there is always the risk of falling into the friend zone. But the concept of “being in the friend zone” was invented by those who have never experienced the pleasures of such a relationship in the first place. They accuse you of “trying to screw a friend” when there are so many other ways that you can screw a friend, which are far more destructive.
I am not implying on dating every friend you have. However, the tiniest physical attraction you might have towards a friend is just a start in having the relationship of your life…
And on the plus side, you never get to lose your friend even if the romantic endeavor is over, as friends tend to stay in your life no matter what.
Trust me! I have experience….
As technology keeps developing, we start drifting away from other individuals of flesh and blood close to us, trapping ourselves in prisons of solitude of our own doing (like social media…and oh! The irony!). Soon, we realize what we are desperately looking for… ; being connected to others in the first place, creating a weird dilemma … perhaps strangers but people…to real people who are geographically distanced hundreds of miles apart.
Our quest to find such connections has also affected the language we had been using for ages in unimaginable ways (though if I’m writing it here, it’s imaginable).
The term “selfie” is a good word to demonstrate how much we progressed in terms of being connected to others; the society.
The verb/slash preposition “like” nearly became more commonly used in its “noun” form in an overnight with the sudden impact of the social media like (here it’s a preposition) Facebook, Twitter and instagram. As we started liking (and here it’s a verb) weird looking babies’ pictures along with photos of cats, we started enjoying the impact of being liked by people whom we have never met in person. Then, the number of “likes” (and here it’s a plural noun) started to matter. Some people even paid (or still pay) money to purchase virtual followers or automatic likers. The quality of the content we like has also degraded from real works of art to masterpieces of rubbish that our stranger friends post daily. We like to be liked and this makes us proud somehow.
Here are the specifics of a social experiment I did a while ago: I posted the picture below on one of my social media accounts without a caption and guess how many “likes” I got?
38 likes within minutes…Wow! Maybe I do have some artistic qualities I’m not aware of.
P.S: Hit the like button for this article to honor the content and I’ll like one of your…err…stuff you posted online.
In our infancy, we were taught the wickedness of lying and that we should always be honest towards other kids/people.
Not much time passes before we learn that a society without lies is an utopia. You may have realized this at an early stage (if you’re smart enough) when your parents lie to you to protect you (or at least this is how they defend themselves). That’s the initial shock.
The next stage is in adapting to the society is conceptualizing the degree of lying; believing that white lies are actually necessary to secure a spot amongst friends or society.
Imagine your best friend asking how her new, but horrible dress (let’s say it’s yellow) looks… I can almost hear you saying “Nice”, especially avoiding stronger positive adjectives or exclamations like “wow!” which we consider to be a form of lying. The use of the word “nice” and rolling your eyes to avoid further eye contact really helps you to remain besties.
But, it’s still lying, isn’t it? What is worse is that you’re lying to your best friend…
So, what can be done to ensure not pissing your mate while uttering words of truth.
The answer is simple: Bending the truth! Or not having to lie but still sharing your true opinion/emotions. But how?
Okay, the first lesson is free: “Bending the Truth 101″…
All you have to do is to mumble something barely audible like “hmmm”, following a statement somewhat true : “I think, it would suit you much better if it was in blue”
The key phrase here is “much better”… as “better” doesn’t always mean good. However, it can make the transition from “terrible” to a plain “bad”. The real message you convey would be “Your dress looks bad!”
Another tip is to select words wisely. Here’s another case I once read in an ELT Activity book:
A little girl goes to her mother and asks if she could have ice-cream before dinner. The mother says no. Then, the little girl goes to her father to ask him the same question. The father asks her if she had asked her mother. The girl nods her head in confirmation. The father says “Then, I suppose you can have one”. The girl runs happily towards the ice-cream stash.
Does the girl have a hidden agenda? Yes
Is she lying? No.
Here’s a personal story; I used to live only a couple of blocks from my previous work place (which was on a very busy street) and it usually took me 3 minutes to walk to work. Nobody knew where I lived so whenever I was late for a meeting I would tell my boss that there was heavy traffic (which was indeed true although it never affected me).
No lying, no hard feelings…
As I got older, I mastered truth bending and got along pretty well with friends. But, it wasn’t enough. I started dreaming of a world of total honesty like in the Ricky Gervais movie “The invention of Lying”.
Then, I decided to give it a try; being totally honest with everyone. I lost many friends but the ones who remained… they became my true friends because when you’re totally honest, they become the same and you begin to share the most intimate secrets with each other…That’s priceless…The connection becomes concrete…
You should give it a try to see for yourself.
P.S: I do think this is not one of my best work… but it is to the point… and I admit I’m expecting a few good words about this entry nevertheless.
This blog entry is dedicated to the wonderful people I met during my stay in one of the liveliest cities of the world. So, if you’re looking for an entertaining piece of writing, you may be in the wrong place (unless you’re in it ). Read this at your own risk as it’s highly personal and there will be no refund for your wasted time.
I hereby thank the people below who have touched my heart and will reside there for the rest of my life. ..There’s no particular order in the names below. How could there be? There’s no order in my life:
Roberto (Robin): The joyful owner of the Zakate Café on Blasco Ibaňez Street. He is the living proof that you do not need common language to communicate or even chat.
Vanessa : The merry, fire-haired baker of our favourite coffee shop in Benimaclet. The way she says “Hola!” can make anyone buy an extra bocadillo or two. Serving ten people in limited coffee breaks in relaxed Valencia is not everyone’s cup of tea but she can surprise you by teleporting herself to your table with the coffee you’ve been thinking of but haven’t articulated yet.
Thomas: The friendly German who overruns (Literally). If you see someone running anywhere in the city and you shout his name, the chances are very high that it’s him. His hospitality matches his atlethic skills making him a unique asset to the city.
Alex: Along with Thomas, he may very well be the next German prodigy in athletics in the next Olympic games representing his country in all events. Apart from that, he is a great guide of nightlife and has mastered the Valencian way of drinking beer from the jug while explaining the physics of the whole process.
Carol: An angel who is so kindhearted that makes me wonder if she fell from heaven or just glided down to help people in need, volunteering in everything and not limiting herself only to Valencia. I met her when I had lost my faith in humanity but she literally hugged me back to my senses. Thank you!
Ana: I do not really know her but she was the one who showed me that the world is indeed tiny as she revealed herself to be the best buddy of our course’s secretary. She was the first person I met by coincidence (on my second day) and we already had a common acquaintance and loads to talk about.
Carol’s friends at the beach picnic: I’m ashamed to admit that I do not remember their names but that night they made me feel like one of them. The language barrier turned into dust as we communicated about almost anything from politics to how coffee tasted more delicious if a bean had been consumed and outed by a monkey in Spanglish, Italian and Google translate.
Diego: Pinar’s meet up Diego proved to be a true host even after us arriving 15 minutes late to meet him. Although he had dinner plans with his buddies, he tried to extend our time beyond its limits and introduced us to Ruzafa along with a brief introduction to Spanish politics.
Rafa: A true local of the Mercat central area with a vast knowledge of the city amongst other things. We felt like we had known each other for a very long time. He was full of joy which turned out to be highly contagious.
Victor: Imagine a street artist, a guitarist so talented that he can play local English songs with perfect pronunciation although not being able to speak a single word of English. It was a pity that he was like Cindrella and after 22:30, his glamour had to wear off. The laws prohibited him from carrying on performing his songs after that time but there were no regulations about drunken, shouting tourists stealing the tranquility of the night.
Cavus: When an expat misses home, he looks for a fellow countryman. Well, that had never been the case for me….until that time when we heard Cavus’s (Owner of the kebab restaurant Sofra) voice telling us to sit down and drink Turkish tea. It was so nice to experience Turkish hospitality once more as he offered us the restaurant’s most breezy table (evert time with complimentary tea). We witnessed a life changing event happening in our country together and sat for hours in front of the satellite TV in the restaurant’s kitchen.
Well, next part will be about the rest of the people I met. …soon. …
P.S : You may have noticed that most pictures are missing people (the main theme) but that’s for the readers to find out and experience the people by visiting the places.
What makes a city, a city? Although the unfolding, lengthy beach at the foot of the city helps, it’s not that. The answer is simply its people; the ones living in it and livening it up and giving it a soul.
Imagine a city where people greet their closest friends and strangers they’ve never met in the same fashion; with smiling faces and firm hugs. You can almost touch the sincerity in the air when you hear the musical word “Hola!” exchanged between complete strangers. Try saying it with a sulking face and you’ll discover that you can never do it. The face muscles won’t allow it. Not in Valencia anyway. English is spoken very little to none. Connecting to people with zero aid from language, befriending them with pure emotions, is indeed priceless. The term “language barrier” never exists there. Perhaps, this is because the city houses a mix of cultures; it’s a tiny mosaic from a world map of diverse nations.
On one of my upcoming blog entries, I will describe every single person that has made a positive impact on my life there, not because I don’t want to forget them (which will never happen) but because I want the whole world ( or the people who read my blog) to meet them. (The idea sounds boring for people who don’t know me or them but you can always choose not to read one blog entry) 😉
Benimaclet, Valencia. A late lunch gathering (technically it’s not late in Spain to have lunch at 3 pm but anyway) The scorching sun pours down its rays, penetrating and piercing the shade provided by urban trees at different places, at different intervals. Nine people around the table constantly change places either to catch a bit of sun or avoid it when it becomes unbearable. The people are newly found friends yet strangers from different lands. A mix of nations… With the last random seating arrangement, the common chatter turns into a group discussion about astrology and signs. Nobody around the table has an idea about each other’s natal details. Then, the shocking truth reveals itself: the first two sitting next to each other are Aries, the next two Gemini, the next three Libra and the final two Taurus. What’s the probability of nine people sitting randomly next to each other, aligned according to their signs? Is it the soul of mathematics announcing its presence in the real world? Is it the sun, making a divine arrangement by sending bursts of heat down? Is it pure coincidence? What’s the probability?
The Malvarosa Beach in Valencia is a true gem even for the likes of those who simply hate beaches such as myself. The scorching sun and the persistent sand mixed with salty sea water and my snow white chest had never been attractive for me. But wait, check the photo I took at the top of the page…who can resist such a view and the friendly breeze (not pictured) constantly licking your skin like a lover’s hug (or a lover’s dog). The sand is soft and the beach is wide, making sure it can accommodate as many souls as it can on its barren laps so there’s always a spot on the beach however crowded it is.
Different kinds of music mix with on and off cheering as one encounters dancers, yoga doers and a whole lot of other crazy people (in a nice way) having fun in all imaginable and unimaginable ways. The festival season seems to have arrived but it had never left in the first place.
The latecomer night takes over but the beach people seem unaware. The bathing suits are replaced with elegant but comfy clothes and people gather around picnic tables like roundtable knights in the light of the night. Beers are drawn from sacks, fruit is placed on the tables and friends gather. They chat, eat, drink and laugh maximizing the fun. I feel lucky to be included in such a circle as I feel I belong although I don’t speak a word of Spanish. Thank you friends, thank you Carol! for having me.