From Bending the Truth to Total Honesty

In our infancy, we were taught the wickedness of lying and that we should always be honest towards other kids/people.

Not much time passes before we learn that a society without lies is an utopia. You may have realized this at an early stage (if you’re smart enough) when your parents lie to you to protect you (or at least this is how they defend themselves). That’s the initial shock.

The next stage is in adapting to the society is conceptualizing the degree of lying; believing that white lies are actually necessary to secure a spot amongst friends or society.

Imagine your best friend asking how her new, but horrible dress (let’s say it’s yellow) looks… I can almost hear you saying “Nice”, especially avoiding stronger positive adjectives or exclamations like “wow!” which we consider to be a form of lying. The use of the word “nice” and rolling your eyes to avoid further eye contact really helps you to remain besties.

But, it’s still lying, isn’t it? What is worse is that you’re lying to your best friend…

So, what can be done to ensure not pissing your mate while uttering words of truth.

The answer is simple: Bending the truth! Or not having to lie but still sharing your true opinion/emotions. But how?

Okay, the first lesson is free: “Bending the Truth 101″…

All you have to do is to mumble something barely audible like “hmmm”, following a statement somewhat true : “I think, it would suit you much better if it was in blue”

The key phrase here is “much better”… as “better” doesn’t always mean good. However, it can make the transition from “terrible” to a plain “bad”. The real message you convey would be “Your dress looks bad!”

Another tip is to select words wisely. Here’s another case I once read in an ELT Activity book:

A little girl goes to her mother and asks if she could have ice-cream before dinner. The mother says no. Then, the little girl goes to her father to ask him the same question. The father asks her if she had asked her mother. The girl nods her head in confirmation. The father says “Then, I suppose you can have one”. The girl runs happily towards the ice-cream stash.

Does the girl have a hidden agenda? Yes

Is she lying? No.

Here’s a personal story; I used to live only a couple of blocks from my previous work place (which was on a very busy street) and it usually took me 3 minutes to walk to work. Nobody knew where I lived so whenever I was late for a meeting I would tell my boss that there was heavy traffic (which was indeed true although it never affected me).

No lying, no hard feelings…

As I got older, I mastered truth bending and got along pretty well with friends. But, it wasn’t enough. I started dreaming of a world of total honesty like in the Ricky Gervais movie “The invention of Lying”.

Then, I decided to give it a try; being totally honest with everyone. I lost many friends but the ones who remained… they became my true friends because when you’re totally honest, they become the same and you begin to share the most intimate secrets with each other…That’s priceless…The connection becomes concrete…

You should give it a try to see for yourself.

P.S: I do think this is not one of my best work… but it is to the point… and I admit I’m expecting a few good words about this entry nevertheless.

Men are from Mars.Women, too

No, this article has nothing to do with intersexual relationships. The title is quite literal and if you were hoping to read about relationship secrets, I suggest you hit the back button on your browser and google it using the key words provided above.

This article is all about “panspermia” or the theory that our home planet wasn’t the planet Earth but our building blocks hitched a ride on an asteroid or something and ended up here.

As I’m not a scientifically inclined being (although I write sci-fi) I will not write about how a planet like Mars was suitable to support life billions of years ago or that it had water at some time along with a decent atmosphere. You can Google these up to satisfy your curiosity. My reasons are totally different and less scientific. Here’s my list of reasons ranking from more credible to totally absurd:

1. The feeling of not belonging, (most people I know have this); or feeling totally alien to Earth: Does the phrase “I’m not from this world” sound familiar?

2. Getting a suntan and even hurting after prolonged exposure to the sun: Perhaps our bodies have always been accustomed to cooler climates where the sun wouldn’t have such effects on our bodies (like Mars). No other animal on Earth ever complains about sensitive skin.

3. We are fragile beings suspectible to all kinds of diseases. It’s like the whole planet is trying to wipe us out. We suffer from all kinds of diseases and illnesses from deadly ones to common cold. Common cold? We get sick so easily.

4. Apart from aquatic animals, no other mammals are fur-free like us. We are the odd one out unless all the other animals aren’t the ones native to this world.

5. Even as newborn babies we are quite defenseless upon birth and have to be constantly taken care of while all the other animals in the animal kingdom adapt to their surroundings in little or no time. Maybe we give birth to our off springs before they are completely developed in the womb and kind of forced out early due to a stronger gravitational force (different from what we were accustomed to)

6. Our constant awe towards stars and space: Space is mostly dark matter, or emptiness yet we are charmed with it everytime we look at the night skies.

7. All religions have the notion of afterlife and other worlds (heaven and hell?) Be good throughout your life and your reward is heaven or perhaps returning to your home planet in some form?

8. We can’t live in peace with the nature. We are constantly trying to terraform the Earth by annihilating nature and building up comfort zones of concrete, maybe trying to make it feel like the barren lands of rocky Mars?

9. The nomadic gene within: Our desire to travel long distances to get away what we call home and to pursue happiness in remote locations in the name of tourism.

10. The color connection: Our blood is red so is the Martian soil.

11. Some people have an unexplainable affection towards Bruno Mars.

I’m not expecting you to believe every word I wrote. However, I’m expecting you to look at the sky tonight and give it a moment of thought…

Of Women and the Perception of Beauty

beautyblog

* This article is dedicated to all women who find themselves flawed in terms of physical beauty.

Imagine Marilyn Monroe without the mole on her cheek…Picture Tina Fey missing her trademark of the blade mark on her face…Think of a much taller Shakira overlooking everyone bird’s view… or Keira Knightley with Dolly Parton boobs…

No men can ever say that they find the names above as not attractive as they are now…

What some people call physical flaws are actually modifications in bodies or faces that make them unique and give them character. So, true beauty lies in imperfection or perfection via flaws.

The most beautiful women in the world are all around me! They are not celebrities hidden under makeups; they are beautiful souls with a smile and possess what they believe as flaws:

Crow’s feet

Misshapen toes

Assymetric facial features

Lump in the belly

Funny colored birthmarks or moles

Height closer to the ground

Bushy eyebrows

Stubby fingers

Scars here and there

And many more…. are what make women so beautiful and most importantly; unique! Beauty lies in the rarity..

All women are beautiful if they believe in themselves and accept all the things that make them unique.

And men?

We are all ugly. Period.

The Evolution of Sound to Rhythm

The sounds of nature have always been so soothing, peaceful whether it’s birds singing in harmony in the morning breeze or wind gushing through a dense forest, shaking each leaf to create a note to our liking. What about the sound of flowing or falling water? It would have been marvelous if it didn’t make you want to pee after a long exposure.

So, do all sounds fill us with joy?

An average adult hears about 712000 different sounds every day, from sounds of speech to sounds of cars honking and not all sounds we hear are pleasant (The figure I provided above is made up to give this article the credibility that some people long for. After all, it’s not a rounded up number, so all such figures are credible enough for some readers to proceed).

The sounds of traffic, a baby crying to an audience of strangers, a dog barking at irregular intervals at a distance or a boss shouting at an employee at regular intervals at a proximity are all enough to fill us with unexplained rage.

But, why?

The answer lies in the familiar rhythm that we are born with: our heartbeats! A silent sound that goes on within us until the end. And the heart is nearly always associated with love thus we love the sound of love.

There are still some things unexplained like the torture method of making one listen to the rhythmic sound of a dripping tap, the ticktocks of a grandfather clock or some forms of youth music.

After all, we are only human.

Fast food restaurants: The art of unwelcoming guests

We all love fast food because it’s quick, cheap and unhealthy; three qualities that people are mindlessly drawn at, forged in one desire: Fast food!

It’s like a dilemma as people in this era want to keep fit but still can’t draw themselves away from it (Yes, even an innocent looking salad in a restaurant can be fast food. So, don’t fool yourselves). And always keep in mind that the anagram of “fast food” is “fat foods”. We might have been exercising like mad for hours just to lose the calories gained at our weakest noon or evening! We are basically pouring loads of money to fatten our bodies and then even more to get it in shape (to our bodies’ original states) by subscribing to gyms. In simple words: We are renting fat.

And here comes the interesting part:

Since fast food is really popular especially amongst teenagers, why do their restaurants have:

* uncomfortable plastic garden chairs that limp?

* sticky floors where even Michael Jackson couldn’t have moonwalked in his prime?

* air smelling of over and over overcooked grease?

* really bad coffee?

It’s all because they want to make their customers to feel uncomfortable as much as they can and encourage them to leave soon after they finish their messy meals. Would you want to sit in a fast food restaurant for hours? Arrange to meet a date over a romantic meal in any of them? Or have the worst coffee ever to enjoy over a chat after a meal?

Because only after the customers are gone, new guests can arrive.

P.S: One of the most popular chains have a horrid looking clown as a mascot. For me it looks like a scarecrow or… a scareclown. I think it’s sole purpose is to plant seeds of uneasiness into innocent obese souls.

The mystifying power of letters, sounds and words

What’s your favorite letter in the alphabet?

It may sound like a weird question but I believe everyone has that one favorite letter and people are drawn to it whenever they hear its unique sound that sets off a tingle in the soul.

Mine is the letter “o”. It has always been. I love how it’s articulated more than its round shape and marvelous curve, so it’s not physical attraction obviously. It’s much deeper.

Check out some of my favorite words in English regardless of their meanings: Parasol, Pastoral, Aroma, Slope, Mountain, Mojo, Oyster, Coral and Loo. And have you ever heard a more beautiful preposition than “Over”? They all contain the letter I have always been in love with even though not every combination works out for me. The word “telephone” repels me instead. Perhaps, I have heard it countless times from other people, strangers around me and it doesn’t feel special, unique and not only mine anymore.

I can never explain my attraction towards “o” but here’s a theory; all the words that have great significance for life, have it inside somewhere: Oxygen, Love, Soul, God, Women, People, Booze, Bacon…

And the names “Zoe”, “Monique” and “Olivia” have always drawn me to their owners.

Weird but my first girlfriend ever, who was not that attractive other than being a redhead, was the proud owner of the name “Rosemary”.

Before I finish… I want to mention how I find new music to my taste: I just Google (another sexy word) music, scroll down names of unheard bands and click on the band or the song name that attracts me. You’ll never believe how that will work out for you. If I hadn’t done that I would have never enjoyed “The Mojo Men”, “Voodoo Sex Stuff”, “Coeur de Pirate” and “Katja Vandl”.

The moral of this article?

From now on, pay attention to the people you meet, the new words that you encounter and their names and see who or what you are attracted to, to find your own favorite letter or sound.

On loneliness and ointments

Living alone has it pros and cons. We all know what they are so don’t expect me to write what we already know or can immediately think of. Recently, I have discovered the most horrible downside of living alone when trying to apply ointment to an aching back, my back.

First of all, the saying “Scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours” loses meaning. When you’re alone, you’re alone. Even your own shadow abandons you during daytime. And at night, it’s not much help for anything let alone providing comfort for your back in agony although it lurks right behind you just like an unwanted friend.

Secondly, severe back pain limits your mobility. So, the only ally you have is your brain to figure out how to apply the medication (the ointment) to your sore back.

Here’s a list of my failed attempts:

1. Spoons don’t really work unless you have ape like arms.

2. Ointment applied Ice cubes sliding down your back might worsen the problem rather than cure it. They’re cold.

3. Using the wall to get the ointment in the right spot almost works but you soon realize that you’re applying it onto the wall and not to your back. Besides, it hurts and the wall will soon have a nasty greasy patch. The wall is also cold.

4. Do not ever swallow the ointment, there’s a reason why they write “For external use only” onto the box.

5. Asking neighbors to rub your back in the middle of the night isn’t a marvelous idea as well.

So, the only thing left to do is….start writing something no matter how stupid it is (just like this entry) to reel your mind away from the pain… Aaaarghh… shouldn’t have mentioned the pain.

The colors of colors

What color is the sky?

It’s light blue when clear and cloudless…

Bright red at sun dawn…

A different shade of orange at sunset…

Pitch black with tiny bright white dots at night…

White when it snows…

And even green when northern lights make an appearence in the Arctic night…

How about trees? Do they have green leaves and a brown body? Or is it something we were taught in our infancy?

Nature doesn’t have one color per each creation. There are endless color combinations there but do we lack the vocabulary to describe each hue?

Homer described honey as green, and sea as the color of champagne. The words for color he used in his works never got more various than a simple black and white mentioned hundreds of times, with a tad of green and red appearing once or twice. Was he colorblind? Can honey be green? Can seas be the color of champagne? The color blue was not mentioned even once in his works. Since it was never mentioned that he was criticized about how he perceived colors in his time, should we assume that the whole ancient Greek population was incapable of distinguishing between colors?

Or are we still colorblind in the modern era in such a way that we have compound nouns that do not represent the colors of that we have in mind; is white wine, white? Are blackberries, black? Even a blackeye isn’t black.

Is it the evolution of the human eye or the creation of synthetic colors that created this confusion?

For more detailed insight, I recommend you read the first chapter of “Through the Language Glass” by Guy Deutscher…

It changed my perception of perception.

No expectations, no disappointments

There are over seven billion people populating the Earth and yet most people feel lost and lonely. We are the most unsocial, social species that have dominated the world; highly advanced primates fueled by basic instincts. We want others to accept our ideas without questioning but we get enraged when others do the same. It’s hilarious as it’s never our original ideas that we are defending; we’re reflecting the notions of our parents or idols, who defended their idols’ ideas. We have overhanging decorative ears, which are useless as we can’t even hear how our words sound ourselves. As a result, we’re drifting away from each other, embracing loneliness in a gigantic crowd.

The solution has never been so easy; leveling your expectations of people to the ground level. When you have no expectations, you can never have resulting disappointments.

The moral?

Always listen to people but try not to change them. Don’t expect anything from anyone. You’re your best friend and it’s hard to disappoint yourself once you shut yourself to the outside voices.

Barış Cansevgisi

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Author: bcansevgisi